Recognizing and Improving a Healthy (and Unhealthy) Foundation in a Relationship

This blog post was written by Rebecca Blackwell of Relationship Foundation of Virginia, for Bloom Matchmaking.

Did you ever think about what it is like in a world without principles? It is the foundation of everything we are accountable for. In terms of relationships, we must have that firm foundation for them to succeed in terms of our emotional, physical, and mental aspects. Knowing what you want and why you want it is critical. You may not know precisely what road you will follow in life but knowing that the person you select to accompany you on that trip is on the same page, is vital. Without regular education/enrichment (reading books about relationships and marriage, learning new things together, attending conferences), maintenance (date nights, weekends away), and faith (spiritual connectedness), the partnership would become uninteresting or stagnant. The relationship will continue to expand as both people grow and change due to doing these things and keeping things new and exciting.

A healthy relationship is where you feel safe and secure most. If you feel like you are being hindered by something, think about it thrice. Having someone who makes you feel at home whenever you hang with them indicates a healthy relationship as long as you are content and at peace. Compromise if necessary and be willing to hear each other out to resolve stuff. You should be honoring, respecting, and cherishing each other. This is your person for life — make each other feel that way.

Now hold up and let’s look at the flip side. Looking back on your journey, think about those funny moments you just laugh about now. There were tons of red flags you will realize when a relationship that did not work out is over. You may have jumped in with emotions and didn’t truly get to know that person. If you are looking for someone, make sure that they’re in it for the long-term, because as we commit to that person, we open ourselves to them every single day. Finding common goals is an important step in this process to understand if you’re aligned long-term, have a solid and firm foundation, and can see a potential future. If they aren’t honest about how they feel and don’t share feelings and emotions, think! Building a relationship is like starting from scratch, as you will exert a lot of effort in knowing the person you are looking forward to sharing life with. Make sure to be honest with your partner about everything and learn how to say what’s in your head in a heart-filled way.

Bumps. Red flags. The earlier you spot them, the better — not first date kind of stuff but when the feelings start taking over and fading a bit. Find out if this person is looking for a lifetime relationship. Are they the marrying kind? Talk about past relationships and their family. You marry the family, you know. What did they like about their parents’ relationship, and do they want something similar on their own? Ask them what they believe about divorce. Would they try to save the relationship, or will they abandon ship when things become tough? It is better to be ready than to be sorry. A commitment is a commitment, and you should not pursue it if, in the first place, you are not prepared.

Building, recognizing, and changing a foundation are all important pieces to a successful, long-term relationship. If you’d like to learn more about what we do at the Relationship Foundation of Virginia, reach out to us here!

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