By Sara Daves, intuitive purpose coach and conflict resolution expert
Your purpose represents your ability to serve the collective in your own unique way. When you are not operating from a place of purpose, your relationships suffer. Your purpose must come first because that is why you are here. When you rely on your relationships to be the source of all your joy, you are essentially asking the people you love to make up for your lack of purpose, and they will never be able to meet that expectation because no person can make you whole. It is when you step into your purpose that you become whole, and are then ready to show up for a healthy relationship.
My purpose is to anchor the consciousness of Oneness. I help people claim their purpose by uncovering their amazing gifts so they can joyfully serve in ways that uplift humanity. We all have a unique purpose designed for service to the collective.
Without purpose, you wander through life, checking boxes and looking for happiness in all the wrong places. But life will keep nudging you in the direction of this self-awareness, no matter how hard you resist. The more you resist, the more painful life becomes.
Lack of self-awareness keeps us in a fog. It feels like being on a hamster wheel – we’re moving, but we’re not getting anywhere. Then, we look out into the world for why we feel bad and begin making decisions that don’t serve us because we are blaming our external reality for our unhappiness instead of looking within. It is only when you embark upon the journey of self-awareness that you can release old wounds, discover your purpose and step into your power.
On this planet, there will never be another “You.” The fact that you are alive on this planet demonstrates that you are a powerful being. And you’ve arrived for an excellent purpose. Each of us is born with a unique collection of talents, gifts and abilities that are designed to be shared with the rest of the world. You gain the power to materialize your highest calling once you know what yours are.
Successful relationships happen when both people know their individual purpose and also have a shared purpose IN the relationship. The most successful relationships are ones that have a shared purpose. Your shared purpose can look like creating a loving family, supporting each other’s aspirations or creating peace in the world — it doesn’t matter what it is or how you agree to actualize it. Exploring your shared purpose together can be an empowering experience as well as a loving act for each other and your sphere of influence.
Everything that happens in our lives (and how we interpret it) is a direct mirror of what is happening inside us. Even when horrible things happen that we have no control over, it’s how we frame and deal with them that matters.
When you discover who you truly are, you naturally stop judging yourself and also begin to evaluate others less harshly. You move into wholeness because you understand your ultimate reason for being alive and how to positively impact the world around you. When we are provoked, we often attribute our feelings to what is happening “out there.” We can begin our healing journey by focusing on “how” rather than “why” we are feeling. We can then start showing up for ourselves in ways we wish others would. This technique absolves our loved ones of responsibility for wounds they did not cause.
Everyone wants inner peace. The key is knowing that the human experience is not to achieve a permanently blissful state of peace but to understand that we are here to experience the full range of human emotions. It’s only when we are solid in who we are and when we love ourselves completely (which happens through self-awareness) that we can more easily move through these fluctuating states because we have created a strong foundation rooted in authenticity. When you achieve self-awareness, there are no more decisions to make, only actions to take. Put simply, life becomes more manageable – but it requires more curiosity and less cleverness.
Growing in self-awareness can also help you step outside of your own needs and create the space for experiencing deeply profound connections with others, and you will notice your loved ones begin to show up for you.
First and foremost, it is critical to establish boundaries. It does not have to be a difficult discussion. Boundary-setting can be a rewarding experience if done correctly. The conversation should take place when both you and your partner are ready to listen to each other. Allow yourself time to contemplate your boundaries, and then schedule a time to discuss them.
Second, when you’re feeling overwhelmed in a fight, shifting your focus from “what your loved one is doing” to “how you feel” might help you calm down and become intrigued about what’s going on for them. You may need to be the one to lay aside your displeasure and make room for your partner to be heard at times. This can be accomplished through reflective listening (also known as active listening). Once your companion has been heard, they will be able to listen to you more clearly.
One question you can ask that will stop an argument in its tracks is: “What do you want me to know about that?” At this moment, you are asking the other person to become vulnerable and share how they conflict. Once you ask this question, you have a responsibility to reflect on what you heard. Doing this creates a safe space for your partner to share how they are, things you wouldn’t know if you hadn’t asked. If you use this powerful question, be sure you are ready to hold a safe space by reflecting what you heard them say, or else you could make matters worse.
If you’re interested in learning more about what I offer, check out my website here.